NEW /int/craft Wiki

This page is read only. You can view the source, but not change it. Ask your administrator if you think this is wrong.
~~NOTOC~~

====== Switzerland (i34) ======
<WRAP right 26.2em border centeralign>
<WRAP baretable>
|< 24em 40% >|
^  Switzerland  ^
| {{:swiss34reel.png?340}} |
| **Clockwise from top left:**\\ Swiss mercenaries after the Anatolia War • Skyline of Nice • Monument of epic win, a World Heritage Site • Janny declares TSV • Last supper in Bern |

----


|< 24em 40% >|
| **Leader**  | lim_brick |
| **Population**  | 30\\ ~10-15 during wars |
| **Capital**  | Bern |
| **Towns**  | Bern\\ Nice |
| **Notable members**  | gorgekush420\\ jammy_nutrient\\ enigma108\\ [[PhantomGuy|parler1]] |
| **Engagements**  | Italian Civil War\\ Sino-Japanese War\\ Anatolia War\\ Franco-German War\\ Battle of Paris (x2)\\ Battle of Belgrade |
</WRAP> </WRAP>

**Switzerland** was a nation in southern Europe that played a unique role in [[world_war_1|iteration 34]] as the server’s morally dubious mercenary state. The Swiss mercenary company was created and organized by Thog, whose [[https://intcraft.wiki/_media/swiss34_7.png|negotiation skills]] would have led you to believe he had Ashkenazi Jewish ancestry.

Because of its distinction as a mercenary state, Switzerland participated in various conflicts across the server map and made an impact in the outcome of World War I through backroom dealings with multiple European powers. Members of Switzerland had the rare quality of being likeable newfags, and propagated the nation's neutrality through diplomatic visits to other countries. Switzerland obtained alliances from every major power in Europe with the notable exception of Estonia, which was led by [[PhantomGuy|phamtomguy]]. Diplomatic efforts spearheaded by Thog, in combination with the Nodes plugin's built-in 48 hour truce period ((https://nodes.soy/4-2-diplomacy-war.html#alliances)), allowed the nation to avoid direct invasion for the entire iteration. Hava Nagila!

Switzerland had two main towns: Bern, its capital, and Nice, a buildfag town that served as a Mediterranean port. At its greatest extent, the nation held territories in the Po Valley beyond its original borders and maintained an African colony in the Congo. Building in most of Bern and all of Nice was handled by enigma108, who also worked on the Congo fort of Negerdschungel. Building of the unfinished and undocumented Congo settlement of Quahog was managed by veterans of i32's [[andalusia|Andalusia]].

{{INLINETOC 2-5 width18}}\\

===== History =====

//Author’s note: This is a condensed summary of the nation’s history. Some details may be left out or appear unclear to readers. In other words: you had to be there, and if you weren’t, all you can do now is seethe and cope.//

[[Domsquad]] decided to play as Switzerland after some deliberation shortly after /int/craft 34’s official announcement. ((https://intcraft.wordpress.com/2020/12/26/announcement-the-great-war/)) Part of this decision came from a general desire to take on a more active role in the geopolitical autism the server was known for. The easiest way to do this was to get caught in the crossfire of the European shitshow. A vote in the Domsquad discord for nation choice also included picks like Ethiopia. It is fortunate that they ultimately didn't decide on settling in such a boring area of the map, but Domsquad would come to Africa in one way or another soon enough.

==== Italian Civil War ====

Domsquad, now moved on from phamtomguy, received a grim reminder that phamtom himself still hadn’t moved on from [[andalusia|Thog’s betrayal]] back in [[i32|iteration 32]]—it was quickly discovered that he attempted to spy on the group’s Discord server with the alt account parler1. His eventual defeat in the Italian Civil War would bring closure to a grudge already a year past its expiration date.

Domsquad would make quick enemies with phamtom's pariah state in North Italy on launch day by snaking across the border to claim the node of Venice. Although this was rolled back before the events of the civil war on day 2 of the server, it would still cause considerable mental anguish to phamtom. 

Swiss memeraids would continue into the night before and morning of the Italian Civil War, albeit with little gear, as Switzerland was a small nation with few nodes and the server just started. It is during this time that group member jammy_nutrient invited a sizeable group of friends from an unrelated community of people who had also been graced with the antics of phamtomguy. Some of these players would become big names in Switzerland and future Domsquad endeavors, like enigma108, NeverComeDown/Mamiyas_Lighter, and suncity99.

During the war itself, Switzerland would become a direct participant by backcapping the far north of Italy while the main bulk of fighting occured further south. Again, though, this was not allowed, and the Swiss would have their nodes in the region unclaimed entirely. Not all was bad, though. Following the unification of Italy, Domsquad received another influx of new players from g0ndola, who brought their friends to further embolden the Swiss cause. The near-doubling of Switzerland's population from newfag immigrants would eventually convince Thog that the group was destined to prove itself in the inevitable server conflicts.

[{{ swiss34_venice.png?280| We did a little trolling}}]

Switzerland soon expanded its borders through friendly talks with a now-unified Italy, finally adding the territories of Alpine Italy and Venice to the nation’s growing realm, a gift for their assistance in the civil war. A deal would also be reached with Stryker's France to acquire the city of Nice. 

The Swiss also relished in their share of colonial wealth during the iteration's [[world_war_1#scramble_for_africa|Scramble for Africa]] event after subjugating the doctors, engineers and scholars that inhabited the Congo: server admin [[Xethyr]] offered to convert the nation’s African colonies into territories under direct control of the capital, and upon doing so, Switzerland enjoyed resource production that nearly paralleled the server’s great powers.

==== Swiss Mercenaries ====

[{{ swiss34thog.png?280| This same guy arranged the acquisition of more than 28,000 gold blocks from three nations}}]

Despite the growth in income, the Swiss eventually realized that there was no point in hoarding resources and crafting weapons if you didn’t really have anything to use them on. Thog decided to remedy this by creating the “Swiss Mercenaries”, rebranding the country’s bored and untrained army into an incipient mercenary crew that could “kill these niggas, then rape them,” [sic] while maintaining a historically accurate neutrality larp.

The ragtag mercenaries endured a rocky start. In their first round of combat, they were temporarily hired by soldiers from Germany to help defend their claims during the Scramble for Africa. However, the mercenaries’ first opponent, the [[norse|Kalmar Union]], stackwiped them in the Ghanaian savannahs due to poor visibility from unfamiliar terrain. While a crushing defeat, the encounter enlightened the Swiss of the long road ahead of them before they would ever earn bread against the femboy sweats and zoomer hordes of /int/craft.

==== First war weekend ====

Just before the first war weekend, the Swiss were approached by the newfag Japanese, who wanted to hire them to fight the Qing Chinese in the Far East. Since the Qing were led by Domsquad’s previous adversaries from iteration 32, Thog quickly took the offer. Swiss soldiers who wished to volunteer in China were subject to a strict training regimen—branded as “kung fu fighting”—in preparation for their first wartime engagement.

=== War day 1: Sino-Japanese War ===

During the war, Swiss mercenaries mainly focused their troops on supporting Japanese invasion efforts in southern China, as the country’s neutrality larp prevented the company from actually declaring war and claiming land. This doctrine meant that the mercenaries were essentially glorified memeraiders with the freedom of murdering innocent people while abusing the safety of their alliance network and the extremely generous truce period. But it’s far too late to cry about it now. It’s just business.

[{{swiss34_china.jpg?250 | A meme mspaint summary of the war in China}}]

While there were some memeworthy moments during Switzerland’s time in China, like the northern front’s voicechat being an absolute shitshow thanks to /int/ernational language barriers between the Japanese and the Mongolians, the Swiss mercenaries coordinated well with the Japanese in the south, and this first war day impression would grab the attention of other nations, especially in Europe.

In the end, the combined efforts of the Swiss, the Japanese, and their Mongolian allies were able to overpower the Qing defense and finally lay siege to Lanzhou, the Chinese capital, but not before a gruesome last stand in the capital’s massive central palace that would let the Qing live to fight another day.

War footage is split between these [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KlbhPENd0I|two]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EBd8JhAYqs|videos]].

It should be noted that during this first day of war, Italy would come near full destruction, due to a Norse invasion that threatened, and came very close to conquering, their capital of Palermo. Italian leader WARCORPtm would become blackpilled and pull the plug on Italy later that night, fully deleting the town and nation and leaving nearly the entire peninsula up for grabs. This situation was briefed to Swiss hicom by Wendell07 before it happened, as the two nations enjoyed a close friendship, and Switzerland even sent a couple of soldiers in the garbage time of war to assist the defense of Palermo. Needless to say, Swiss soldiers were well prepared for the situation and managed to claim down to just above the city of Rome, splitting the peninsula amicably with the Kalmar Union.

=== War day 2: Anatolian War ===

After Switzerland's success in China, the mercenary company was invigorated, eager to satiate their newfound bloodlust. Job offers flowed in from different nations across the map, with every new offer more tempting than the last. [[vivianjames|One client]] reportedly offered a reward of four CS:GO keys to each participating mercenary.

[{{swiss34_mcbombing.png?300 | An inaccurate depiction of the Swiss diplomatic visit to Belgrade.}}]

Following some argument between Thog and [[TheSpookyBone]], the Byzantine emperor, the next job offer taken by the Swiss was fighting alongside the Byzantine Sovereignty in the Anatolian War. This didn’t really come as much of a surprise, as Switzerland’s diplomatic relations with other European countries—in particular, the Byzantines and the Italians—were easily forged through a series of [[https://youtu.be/CoApn71MDfE?t=1488|peaceful state visits]] throughout the first week of the server.

Serbian commander BuckEmDown briefed the Swiss high command on the upcoming war: being unable to claim enemy land, the mercenaries would provide additional support as the Byzantines would push into Cyprus and encroach on British claims in the Levant.

A recording of the war can be found [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQjcza544MU|here]].

Although the war ended before the Byzantines could reconquer Damascus, the operation was considered a success for both the Swiss mercenaries and their Byzantine clients, as the objective of driving the British out of Anatolia was reached. However, the awful struggle in the Levant at the end of the war should not be overlooked. Mountainous terrain in Lebanon combined with fierce resistance and a clientfag from God’s chosen people slowed down the fighting to a halt.

==== Rising tensions ====

[{{swiss34_propaganda.png?150 | Propaganda poster by [[intcraft-chan|larkhund]]}}]

Following their contract with the Byzantines, Swiss mercenaries became a fair choice for anyone in need of more players for combat. The only other alternative for nations and their allies was to invite more redditors and zoomers. Given the allure of their convenient location in Europe and source of additional manpower, the Swiss inevitably found themselves in the upcoming Franco-German conflict.

However, as tensions in Europe grew, their friendship with the [[spooky_s_bulls|Byzantines]], the [[strykergang|French]], and soon the [[trenchgang|Russians]] made certain that Thog and the rest of the Swiss would struggle to remain impartial when discussing dealings with the great powers of the continent. Still, none of us are perfect: if we were, we’d be reenacting this iteration umpteen times over using neural networks to roleplay as our beloved /int/ generals. Bias just adds more SOVL, especially when we benefit from it.

==== Second war weekend ====

The drama leading up to the second war weekend presented the Swiss with a choice: either willfully fight for the newly formed anti-Norse coalition, or chase the money and get hired by the Kalmar Union and its allies.

Note the keyword //choice// here. Remember that bias mentioned earlier? There shouldn't have been a choice if the Swiss wanted to remain impartial: a mercenary company typically offers its services only to the highest bidder. The Swiss were aware that the Kalmar Union and its current allies would outbid the coalition by virtue of their combined empires. However, most members felt that fighting for the anti-Norse coalition would best preserve the nation’s sovereignty as multiple coalition members shared friendly relations with the small nation. Additionally, the capitulation of Italy after the first war weekend by the Norse gave them a direct border with Switzerland in the Italian Peninsula. Nevertheless, a plebiscite was internally conducted in order to formalize the decision.

Unsurprisingly, a vote of 10-5 was decided in favor of the coalition. While this meant that the Swiss violated its own neutrality meme, most of the server appeared to have turned a blind eye and the scandal was quickly swept under the rug by Soros-funded propagandists.

=== War day 3: Where is JOINSPAIN? ===

[{{swiss34_war3plan.jpg?300 | "Skeleton crew stationed at Gibraltar." Clearly only [[gaztons|a jester]] could come up with something so ridiculous.}}]

Although the Swiss were excited to fight for their close allies as war day arrived, their luck was not as receptive to their enthusiasm. For the first 30 minutes of the war, mercenaries were initially deployed to assist Byzantine forces in the capture of the port of Gibraltar, but British counterattacks and Spanish incompetence bogged down the offensive as pro-Byzantine defenses were blown up by enemy artillery before the first hour of the war ((https://youtu.be/gDyQu0d87zg)).

Swiss chief Antarrhes was soon contacted by [[Stryker]], the emperor of France, to abandon the Gibraltar mission and join the defense of Paris. The Byzantines, aware of the French situation, promptly agreed. As France was preparing to fight on two simultaneous fronts, Swiss mercenaries quickly shifted priorities to Paris, which would soon become the most important objective of the war.

=== War day 3: Battle of Paris ===

Switzerland's presence in the [[Battle of Paris]] can be described as chaotic and disorganized during its initial stages. While Bern was not under threat of attack, the primary mission for Switzerland was to provide 110% satisfactory customer service. However, there was a clear lack of directive within Swiss communications, as the mercenaries split themselves up between delaying the Norse advance to the west or defending against the [[tap|massive German force]] to the northeast. While Bern’s close proximity to Paris was a great advantage, this would only encourage the Swiss to disperse frequently, although their nation's network of alliances allowed them to join the front line without much difficulty. There //were// still [[https://intcraft.wiki/_media/swiss34_war3skirmish.mp4|some instances]] where organized units of Swiss mercenaries would fight skirmishes against German soldiers in front of Paris, and sometimes within the abandoned ruins of [[Stongduke|Stongduke's]] Clownscape.

**Designated blackpills section**

A couple hours into the battle, the situation became dire as Paris was being strangled on both sides. The constant ringing gunfire. The barbed wire traps that infested the ground like a pox. The gory mess of items everywhere. The abominations of dirt, wood, and stone built hastily for defense. And a lone fighter plane, a hideous vulture orbiting the doomed city, painted in a moody red, as if covered in the blood of its prey. ((Cryostat’s plane.)) These were not unusual sights during the battle. As Norse territorial gains creeped eastward, the western walls suffered worsening damage from artillery fire, and some Swiss soldiers assisted the surviving French engineers in raising makeshift defenses. An urban legend suggests that the French emperor cried "C'est fini" as he felt his nation's final hour drawing near. ((I made this up, but based on personal accounts from other Paris veterans, this might as well be considered real.)) While the holdouts were prepared to fight brutal urban warfare in France’s last stand, a sudden disturbance came from none other than the server itself…

[{{swiss34_clownscape.png?300 | Clownscape: formerly the town of Dijon, this was a failRP dystopia that silently watched over the Franco-German conflict. Paris is visible to its west.}}]

Exaggerated details aside, the battle up to this point was truly dreadful from a defender’s perspective. But I wasn’t kidding about that disturbance part: thanks to what appears to be a well-timed madmin epic fail, the server suddenly crashed in the middle of the war—and with that, so did the momentum of the Nordic-German assault on Paris. 

//Whether this server crash can be held responsible for the eventual French victory of this battle is heavily disputed. The author believes that it did play a major role. Some players’ machines suffer skill issues running virtual legos. Can you blame them?//

**"Nous sommes de retour"**

Indeed, the war saw a complete reversal of the tactical situation. A shift in French strategy to a “rotating deathstack” model ((https://intcraft.wordpress.com/2021/02/04/the-battle-of-paris-causes-outcomes-and-analysis/)) and a temporary loss of players from all nations from the server crash gave Paris ample breathing room to recuperate from its position: this would begin with the recapture of Brittany, driving out the Norse from their once advantageous position. Switzerland also experienced some smaller triumphs following this reversal: more players gradually logged on to bolster the mercenary rally, including flagship Mossad agent jammy_nutrient. Their late arrival was easily forgiven when they [[https://youtu.be/_OOSgmVsAks?si=xFCc2BIbuZZt-uJZ&t=155|discovered an opening]] in the German tunnel network: a small Swiss force found a way inside the walls of Frankfurt and later carried out a brief assault against its defenders.

With the end of yet another war in Paris, a wave of burnout was felt across all nations, with Switzerland being no exception. The Swiss were nonetheless happy with their performance in the war, and most members expected the server to end now that their pockets are filled, politicians corrupted, and soldiers honored. However, if there were two truths for this server, it was that you could never have enough wealth and that there would never not be fighting over Paris.

[{{swiss34_frankfurt.png?300 | The ruins of Frankfurt after war day 1. We didn't fight in //this// conflict, but the scale at how autistic these wars were is worth the mention.}}]

During the tail end of this war, a small group of Swiss troops were fucking around in Brest and accidently discovered [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1bYd9qOlXE|invisibility magic]]. These dark arts would be used for a very short time in the push for Frankfurt, and later were wielded by Swiss operatives to grief the chestrooms of Paris and Vienna, breaking item frames and minecart elevators.

=== War day 4: Battle of Belgrade ===

This was supposed to be an opt-in war, and for all intents and purposes, it was for the Domsquad. However, a small number of Swiss mercs did participate in the defense of Belgrade when their close friends in Byzantium were subjected to a [[https://intcraft.wiki/world_war_1#serbian_punitive_war|madmin humiliation ritual]]. Otherwise a nothingburger.

==== Third war weekend ====

=== War day 5: Final hyperwar ===

With the server nearing its death, one final ride would be had for the Swiss Mercenaries, who by this point, had truly made a name for themselves as some of the most fearsome fighters on the server. With a reputation like this, bidding was bound to be fierce for the last war day of the server. Following an intense dick measuring contest between the two coalitions of the server, Switzerland would come into possession of, amongst other items, three full double chests of gold blocks from the combined coffers of Germany, Britain, and the Kalmar Union. Domsquad would be returning to Paris, but as attackers instead of defenders.

The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGX2vs8oRvg|push to Paris]] would feature Domsquad's largest rally of the server, bolstered by the recent addition of new invites from suncity99. Mercenaries stood by the Germans at the gates of Frankfurt, which was under direct threat once again after war day 3, expecting a siege. It turns out that France, experiencing a somewhat low rally, made no attempt to attack Frankfurt, allowing the dual German-Swiss force to easily march to the French-controlled and multi-layered fort in Luxembourg. As it was a tough battle for the French to capture it from the Germans, a bitter fight ensued to take it back and reach Paris. 

In time, Luxembourg fell and Swiss soldiers finally came knocking at the walls of Paris. Switzerland would largely play the role of firemen in the [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbkyhl3HPe4|siege]], bouncing around from skirmishes in Clownscape to the south to north alongside the coast, yet as per usual, the neutrality and lack of claiming would serve to limit the full disruptive potential of the Swiss mercenary army. Germany would later recall the Swiss mercs to the east in order to stabilize the Siege of Berlin, and the western front would ultimately end with pre-war day 1 borders.

===== Aftermath =====

>🇨🇭 SWITZERLAND 👑 WON THIS ITERATION 🥂
>HAD THE MOST GOLD ⭐ :goldface:
>HAD THE MOST ✨ BEAUTIFUL CASTLE  ✨ 🏰 
>GAINED 📈 LAND 🏝️ WITHOUT ✨ WAR ONCE✨ 🔫 
>CONQUERED ⚔️  THE CONGO 🐒 🇨🇬 
>LOVED ❤️ BY ALL 😊 
>NEVER MISSED ❌ A SINGLE SHOT 🔫
>FOUGHT 🔫 ✊ ALL OVER THE WORLD 🗺️ 🌐 IN ALL CONTINENTS 😂 FOR ALL ARMIES 💪 
>CONFIRMED VICTORY BY JANNIES 🧹

Switzerland ended off with 41 territories across Europe and Africa and 30 players. A middling power on paper, but in retrospect, one that punched far above its weight in both combat and riches. To the latter, the Swiss would end off the server as arguably the richest nation with double chests of each block of valuable ore. A floating troll face of of coal, gold, and iron was built from some of these materials, a monument to the financial victory of jewing nearly every nation out of mats. The golden troll would go on to be the main symbol of Domsquad.

Many of Switzerland's soldiers would top the charts of various player stats. Troopers jammy_nutrient and sabasko would have the 10th and 16th most wartime kills on the server, with NeverComeDown and Antarrhes also hitting the top 50. sabasko would no-life 127 hours of his time into the server, the 25th highest play-time. Most notably, jammy_nutrient would obtain a wartime k/d of 10.13, the highest k/d with a rifle and the second highest overall, only beat out by the Kalmar Union's Cryostat, the greatest pilot on the server.

The end of this server would unfortunately see the departure of many players from Domsquad. g0ndola and his friends would leave, as would the friends that suncity99 brought on. Chief architect enigma108 would also fall off the face of the internet before Domsquad's next showing, leaving all servers after he was outed as a Czech pedophile. Thog would become inactive due to irl commitments until his triumphant return in i38.

Not everything after the server was negative, though. jammy_nutrient would be promoted to chief and later rise to prominence as one of the most important figures of Domsquad after i34, and while not as important, NeverComeDown would also become a valued asset and artfag in the future. Switzerland would become synonymous with Domsquad, with some of its members and other people in the wider community referring to the group as the former over the latter. 

i34 would certainly go down as one of Domsquad's greatest showings ever, perhaps only eclipsed by i38's Finland run. Jannies would declare Swizterland the official winners of the iteration, a pretty remarkable feat for what amounted to a small group of newfags. This page may not do Switzerland complete justice, but as said before, you really just had to be there...

===== Propaganda clips =====

{{ :swiss34summary.mp4 }}

{{ :cantstopwinning.mp4 }}